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VANINI DENIES GHERKIN SMEARS

The mounting controversy surrounding the award of the Golden Gherkin to The Princes of Serendip took a new turn when T. G. Vanini, the Princes' songwriter, vehemently denied any wrongdoing. Amid rumors of influence-mongering and biased judges, Vanini broke a self-imposed silence to issue the following statement:

"I had never even heard of the Golden Gherkin before we were awarded it, and I have never met any of the judges. As far as I'm concerned, they may as well not exist."

Vanini then went on the offensive, blasting his detractors: "These would-be do-gooders, these green-faced nay-sayers are just out to deny The Princes of Serendip any small condiment after our seven years of toiling in the shadows. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't exist either."